UNICEF - Evil King of Halloween

(Ever wonder where all of that UNICEF money goes? Check out this funny bit from Simon Rich's recent New Yorker article "The Wisdom of Children".)

'A Day at UNICEF Headquarters, as I Imagined It in Third Grade'

(UNICEF sits on a throne. He is wearing a cape and holding a sceptre. A servant enters, on his knees.)

UNICEF: Halloween is fast approaching! Have the third graders been given their little orange boxes?

SERVANT: Yes, your majesty!

UNICEF: Perfect. Did you tell them what the money was for?

SERVANT: No, sir, of course not! We just gave them the boxes and told them to collect for UNICEF. We said it was for “a good cause,” but we didn’t get any more specific than that.

UNICEF: Ha ha ha! Those fools! Soon I will have all the money in the world. For I am UNICEF, evil king of Halloween!

SERVANT: Sir . . . don’t you think you’ve stolen enough from the children? Maybe you should let them keep the money this year.

UNICEF: Never! The children shall toil forever to serve my greed!

(He tears open a little orange box full of coins and rubs them all over his fat stomach.)

UNICEF: Yes! Oh, yes!

SERVANT: Wait! Your majesty! Look at this! Our records indicate that there’s a kid out there—Simon—who’s planning to keep his UNICEF money this year.

UNICEF: What?! But what about my evil plans? I was going to give that money to the Russians so they could build a bomb!

SERVANT: (aside) I guess there’s still one hero left in this world.

UNICEF: No!

(He runs out of the castle, sobbing.)

SERVANT: Thank God Simon is keeping his UNICEF money.

SECOND SERVANT: Yes, it’s good that he’s keeping the money.

THIRD SERVANT: I agree. Simon is doing a good thing by keeping the money from the UNICEF box.

SERVANT: Then we’re all in agreement. Simon should keep the money.

Zombie Survival Guide

I love this attacking zombie shot of Naija Blue by Jeff Cohn!

(Click here to see more photography by Jeff. ***Warning, some of the images on his site are NSFW.)

Purim - The Jewish Halloween

How could I not know about this holiday? During Purim
(which ends today), people dress up in costume and give out inexpensive treats to their friends. And the best part? "One of the most well-known (and beloved) aspects of the Purim festive meal is that each adult participant is obliged to become so drunk that he or she cannot distinguish between the phrases, 'Cursed be Haman' and 'Blessed be Mordecai'." Sign me up!

Skull & crossbones toaster

This is a great idea! A toaster that burns a skull & crossbones into your toast? Why didn't I think of that?

For everyone out there who doesn't feel like paying $44 for a novelty toaster, here's a simple and inexpensive way to get the same effect. Using an X-acto knife, cut your desired image out of aluminum foil. Then, wrap a piece of bread in the foil (with the exposed image facing up). Next, toast as usual - this should "toast" the chosen image onto the bread while leaving the rest of the bread untoasted. Once it has cooled, remove the foil and toast the bread once again. The already toasted section will continue to get darker while the rest of the bread ends up appropriately toasted.

Cannibalism - Japanese-style

How bizarre is this? Diners sit at an operating table and consume a "body" made entirely of food. When the body is cut open, it "bleeds" and exposes edible organs and interstines. Weird.

Real bug wallpaper

Unlike the ant wallpaper I wrote about earlier, these wall coverings are made with real bugs. Artist Jennifer Angus uses dead insects to create giant installations that explore ideas of home and comfort.

Ant wallpaper

This wallpaper is admittedly one of the least "Halloween-y" items I've written about. Still, I think there's a certain "haunted house" quality to any wallpaper whose design is composed of thousands of ants.

Create a witch kitchen

My new friend DeadSpider has done it again! This time, she has posted instructions for creating an entire witch's kitchen for your Halloween display. You can start with the tutorial on building ancient-looking shelves out of cardboard and inexpensive metal shelving. (And don't overlook the faux-wood painting instructions. They are among the best I've seen). Next, learn how to bottle hobgoblin brains, jellyfish stingers, dragon embryos and other ingredients that every self-respecting witch should have on hand.

Demon bucket

Here's a clever home project... To better compliment his son's samurai costume, this guy turn an Incredible Hulk candy bucket into an Oni (Japanese demon) using some red paint and a cheap Viking helmet. The big green guy never looked so good.

Monster Crochet

Here's another great site for all you fans of crocheting and knitting. Monster Crochet provides instruction for creating everything from wearable spiderwebs, scarves made of bones, severed finger doodads and my personal favorite, a Hitchcock inspired ensemble that makes it look like you're getting attacked by a flock of birds.

Brain recipe

For all the people who've been writing in to request more ghoulish recipes, I present the edible brain. Serve it at your next Halloween party, or carry it around and bite off chunks next time your dressed as a zombie.

More gross candy

In keeping with today's gross candy theme, here are a few more spooky sweets that the folks at Candy Addict have tracked down:
Barf Bags (Gummy candy that looks like vomit)
Gummy Flesh Fries (Bloody dismembered fingers)
Candy Blood Bags (Watermelon-flavored liquid candy)
Bug Candy (twist off the bug's head and drink the blood)
Candy with real bugs (Scorpions, worms, crickets and ants embedded in candy)
Deadly Virus Candy (Like "Nerds" but with a twist)
And reviews of 31 other Halloween-themed candies that were big in '06.

Gummy Heart

I wish I'd known about this on Valentine's Day. I'm sure my wife would have really loved to receive a Gummy Heart. And that poem? "My love is pure. My love is true. You can have my heart and eat it too." Who wouldn't melt when reading that?

Gummy Roadkill

It seems as though I spoke too soon. A week ago, in my post about gross candy I mentioned my wish that they would someday produce "gummy roadkill". Well, Brian at Candy Addict wrote to let me know that the product has already come and gone. Produced by Trolli (a subsidiary of Kraft), "Gummy Candy Roadkill" consisted of three animals; a snake, a chicken and a squirrel, each with a tire track down the middle. Unfortunately, production was halted when animal rights groups argued it "fosters cruelty toward animals."

Eyeball earrings

In keeping with today's
"crafty" theme, I now present a magnificent pair of felted eyeball earrings.
They come in either blue or green. The artist behind them also produces an eyeball necklace as well as various anatomical heart items.

The Optic Nerve

You know how sometimes you see an item, and your first thought is "I must have that!"? Well, this crocheted
"eyeball w/ optic nerve" thing is one of those "must haves" for me. I don't really know what I would do with it, I don't know what it's for, and yet I must have it in my life.

Dismembered Digits

For all you crocheters out there, here's a wonderful pattern that you can purchase
for just $1.50. The dismembered finger and big toe would look terrific on a keychain or (as seen here) sitting on a dinner plate.

How to create bloody gashes with make-up

Here is a great tutorial that will show you how to create realistic looking bloody gashes.

Devilish iPod skins

Here's a great way to dress up your iPod for Halloween. These skins come in six different colors and sport devil horns and a tail.

Knit yourself a skull

If you've ever wanted information on how to knit something with a skull graphic, Dominitrix can help you out. Their site includes patterns and instructions for knitting skull afghans, sweaters, scarves, wristbands and bags. My personal favorite? This tank top with an "embossed" skull.

Self-carving Pumpkin

Here is a fun stop-motion animation of a pumpkin dancing around and carving itself. Enjoy.

Haunted house wallpapers and fabrics

Though it doesn't carry the Haunted Mansion's "Demon" wallpaper, Timorous Beasties can provide you with rolls of some pretty creepy wall-coverings. My favorite is this iguana wallpaper.
Also be sure to check out their "Devil Damask" fabric. It's subtle enough that most people wont notice Satan peeking out through the lace, but still noticible enough that all your haunt friends will envy you.

Working Wolverine Claws

Here's another awesome costume! Using an old sliding keyboard tray, this guy was able to create extendable/retractable claws for his Wolverine costume.

Gross Candy

After spending months creating original, eye-popping decorations for your front yard, doesn't it seem strange to hand out the same boring Snicker's Bars and Blow-Pops as your neighbors?

Here's an alternative... This site reviews and provides links to some of the grossest candy around. There are white chocolate maggots, candy toilets, and bloody eyeball lollipops. If only someone would start selling gummy roadkill. Then all of my wildest Halloween dreams really would have come true.

Winged Demons

Here's a cool new site that was brought to my attention by Kurt at Grim Visions.

I'm really impressed with the "winged demons" this woman was able to create out of chicken wire, masking tape and paper-mache. I can't wait to see more of her stuff.